Well, you know that something has been going on over the past months. Now the secret is out. Maria and I are now living in Australia, and invite you to follow our adventures in Cairns, Tropical North Queensland.

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You'll laugh, you'll cry!

Hilarious television advertisement.

Because we all enjoy a little gentle four wheel driving!

..and a relaxing day in the surf!

This filmclip is called 'monkey head scratch' ... for a reason

Just one more reason to give up smoking!

Slideshow of recently submitted funny photos

Be careful with fireworks!

Has to be seen to be believed...

New anti-theft device for your car.

Women drivers' Olympics

Flatulence is always funny.

This one you'll have to watch closely. Turn the volume up loud, it is difficult to hear. It is a car advertisement from New Zealand . When they finished filming the ad, the people who made it noticed a ghostly white mist moving along the side of the car, and an eerie sound. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. About halfway, as the car goes past the trees, look carefully and you will see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road. Spooky.

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A Savage in the Sahara!
If you missed the great photos from my trip into the Sahara, click on the pic!
click on pic

Also, the unforgettable Gnawa music festival in Essaouira can be found here!
click on pic below

The Wailers live in Essaouira!


click to browse the new The Savage Files merchandise!

All designs are available on all items. Just email me for help.

Come down under with us
click above to read what critics are saying about "Of Walls And Men"
World weather.



I have no idea who George Carlin is, but apparently these are his 'NEW RULES FOR 2007'. And I like them, so I'm sharing....

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days -- mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teach ers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: "Lucky bastards."

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis .

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiri tual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 months." "He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"


It seems only fitting that I post my November journal, since December is more than halfway gone.

November was quite a month. To start with, someone had a birthday. Another birthday! I'm sure it was only a few weeks ago that my last birthday rolled around, but still, the calendar doesn't lie. At this rate, I'll be sixty-five before long...

All sorts of strange people turned up to help me celebrate my special day. Unfortunately (no idea why) almost all the photographs from that day turned out blurry. But here's a couple of the better ones...

But it hasn't been all parties and face pulling. Well, I guess it mostly has been. But Maria and I did manage to get away for a weekend to Granada. 300 photos later, and several kilos heavier, we returned to Madrid. You see, Granada is not only the most photogenic city in Spain, but it is also famed for its tapas. Tapas is the free bar snack that you get when you order a drink. Unheard of in Australia, but something of a tradition (possibly even a law) in Spain. In Madrid, your free tapas can be a humble bowl of potato crisps or a dish of olives. But if you know where to go, you could score a small serve of paella, or a few tasty croquettas.

But Granada is a different story altogether. Honestly, I don't know how these places make any money. You pay 1.50 Euros for a small beer, and it comes with a plate of prawns or a bowl of meatballs, or just about anything you can imagine. But the last bar we visited just before returning really took the cake... two beers (3 Euros) came with two ham bagels, a pile of pasta salad and a generous handful of potato crisps.

Thank God I don't live there, or I'd have to get my clothes custom made!

Anyway, about the 300 photos. Most of them were taken in the Alhambra. If you aren't familiar with the Alhambra, I suggest you do a google search for it, cause it's 2.00am as I write this, and I just don't have time to describe it. But I've posted the best few photos on a separate page. Check it out here.

And while on the subject of eating (we were still talking about eating, weren't we?) have you ever seen anything like this????

It's an egg. One egg. And with the sprinkling of potatoes, peppers and chorizo, it fed ten of us. No doubt, you've figured that it didn't come from a chicken.

All this talk about eating is making me terribly tired. As I've been at the computer for fifteen hours today, I'm going to give myself the rest of the night off and catch a few hours of much needed sleep.


street smart security gear


Clever advertising? I've added eleven new photos to The Savage Files 'creativity in advertising' page, and what do you think about these trucks?

These three videoclips were sent to me with the combined title "You just can't fix stupid!". I think that sums it up perfectly...

Then, there's this one, which could easily fit into the same title category...

... and what about THIS GUY. Going by his hat, I'd say he just isn't going to make it!!

...and a couple more great slideshows..


...for the wife who says it's hot dogs tonight,
because she is home with me, and not out with someone else.

...for the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato,
because he is home with me, and not out at the bars.

...for the teenager who is complaining about doing dishes
because it means she is at home, not on the streets.

...for the taxes I pay
because it means I am employed.

...for the mess to clean after a party
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

...for the clothes that fit a little too snug
because it means I have enough to eat.

...for my shadow that watches me work
because it means I am out in the sunshine

...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing
because it means I have a home.

...for all the complaining I hear about the government
because it means we have freedom of speech..

...for the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot
because it means I am capable of walking
and I have been blessed with transportation.

...for my huge heating bill
because it means I am warm.

...for the lady behind me in service who sings off key
because it means I can hear.

...for the pile of laundry and ironing
because it means I have clothes to wear.

...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day
because it means I have been capable of working hard.

...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours
because it means I am alive.

...and finally, for too much e-mail
because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.